Sun-Sentinel.com
Marriage is about
love, not gender
By William Butte,
Commentator, from the Web, November 16, 2007
Like most politicians, Republican
presidential candidate Mitt Romney says what he thinks people will buy.
When Romney ran against Ted Kennedy for the U.S. Senate in 1994, he told
Massachusetts' gay Republicans he'd be a stronger advocate for gay rights than
the senator, and a voice in the Republican Party to foster anti-discrimination
efforts.
Now that he's running to become president, Romney is saying what he thinks will
attract his party's core Christian conservative "values voters."
Cultivating his conservative bona fides to distract from his previously
gay-friendly position, the candidate who once said he'd be a voice for gays to
foster anti-discrimination efforts now says he favors amending the U.S.
Constitution to ban same-sex marriages.
To that end, while at Nova Southeastern University during a recent campaign stop
in Fort Lauderdale, Romney reiterated his support for such a constitutional
amendment by claiming same-sex marriages threaten "the family."
But is that true?
An anti-gay organization is seeking enough valid signatures in Florida to place
a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriages — already forbidden by
state law — on Florida's ballots next November. So Romney's reason for his
disapproval of gays marrying prompts two relevant questions: Do same-sex
marriages threaten "the family"? Or, would same-sex marriages and equal
rights for gays actually strengthen all families, gay and straight alike?
To answer the first question, one need only look at Romney's home state of
Massachusetts, where the number of married same-sex couples continues to grow
while the state continues to have the lowest divorce rate in the nation.
Yet with nearly 10,000 married same-sex couples as neighbors, Romney still
hasn't explained exactly how his own marriage is threatened.
Instead, those opposed to gays marrying have said that marriage is important to
the welfare of children.
This reply disregards more than 415,000 children under the age of 18 who live
with same-sex couples, as estimated from 2000 Census figures (though the figure
could be much higher, as data from the American Community Survey of 2005 found
30 percent more same-sex couples than identified in 2000).
So, if the main opposition to gays marrying centers on the welfare of children,
what about the welfare of several hundred thousand children living with gay
parents who are denied the right to marry?
About half of all marriages end up in divorce court for myriad reasons, such as
money, infidelity, poor communication, lack of commitment, sexual problems, and
emotional, physical or sexual abuse. But has anyone heard of a straight
couple ending their marriage because the gay couple next door is married?
There is something else, though, that helps to destabilize marriage and
families: the "I am not gay" spouse.
Though not limited to Republicans and social conservatives, "I am not gay"
spouses include those who've preached and/or voted against gay rights, such as
ex-minister Ted Haggard, Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho, and Rep. Bob Allen of
Florida.
Perhaps desiring to escape what these men and others have helped perpetuate,
from employment discrimination to social bias against gays, an estimated 20
percent of gay men and 40 percent of lesbians marry a straight spouse, according
to the Family Equality Council, a national advocacy group. Meanwhile, The
Straight Spouse Network, an organization for straight spouses in mixed
orientation marriages, estimates there are more than 2 million (and possibly as
many as 4 million) mixed orientation marriages, and only 7 percent of such
marriages survive long-term once the gay spouse has come out.
Undoubtedly far fewer gays would feel the need to appear straight by marrying a
straight spouse if they didn't fear job loss and other forms of discrimination.
So, equal rights for gays including the right to marry would also benefit
millions of heterosexuals in their effort to find suitable spouses and have
stable families.
Marriage should be about love. Yet Romney and Florida's social
conservatives opposed to gays marrying are instead selling fear. Don't buy
it.
William Butte is a commentator on issues affecting the GLBT
community. His column appears the third Friday of each month. E-mail
him at
wmbutte@bellsouth.net
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