Eagerness and Some
Resignation as Civil Union
Law Takes Effect
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Sylwia Kapuscinski for The New York Times
Alicia Heath-Toby, far left, and Saundra Toby-Heath
celebrated at brunch in Iselin |
By ELLEN BARRY,
NYTimes on the Web, February 20, 2007
ASBURY PARK, N.J., Feb. 19 —
Mark Rado and Degn Schubert could be forgiven for sounding a little jaded on
Monday, as they waited with four other couples in the lobby of the Asbury Park
Municipal and Police Complex.
This would be, by their own count, the seventh time that they had tried to make
their union official. They twice registered as domestic partners in
California, organized an elaborate commitment ceremony, and then married,
ecstatically, under the watch of Mayor Gavin Newsom of San Francisco. Then
the state annulled that marriage, along with other same-sex marriages, and Mr.
Rado and Mr. Schubert once again registered as domestic partners.
Now they were doing it again: Waiting, with a bouquet of alstroemeria and
purple tulips, for Asbury Park’s deputy city clerk, D. Kiki Tomek, to take their
application for a civil union in New Jersey.
“It becomes sort of a chore,” said Mr. Schubert, who is 40 and lives in Asbury
Park. They discussed which of their proliferating anniversaries they would
celebrate. June 28? Feb. 13? Or the date three days from Monday,
when their civil union can be performed, Feb. 22?
“I wish they would just call it marriage,” Mr. Schubert said, “and be done with
it.”
About a dozen couples visited clerks’ offices in New Jersey on Monday, the first
day on which people were allowed to submit applications for civil unions, which
guarantee all the rights and benefits of heterosexual marriage. New Jersey
is the third state to offer civil unions, following
About a dozen couples visited clerks’ offices in New Jersey on Monday, the first
day on which people were allowed to submit applications for civil unions, which
guarantee all the rights and benefits of heterosexual marriage. New Jersey
is the third state to offer civil unions, following
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James Estrin/The New York Times
Julie
Branin, right, and Sue Abatem applied Monday morning for a civil
union in Asbury Park, N.J |
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Vermont, which introduced them to
rapt national attention in 2000, and Connecticut, which quietly followed suit in
2005.
Massachusetts is the only state in which same-sex couples can marry.
California has a domestic partnership law that guarantees many of the rights of
marriage.
A handful of couples in New Jersey were so eager to take advantage of the new
law that they waited outside clerks’ offices until 12:01 on Monday, when the
first civil unions could be processed. Among that group, some said the
experience was bittersweet; activists had held out hope that New Jersey would
follow Massachusetts as the second state to grant same-sex couples the right to
marry.
But Beth Asaro, 47, who submitted an application for a civil union with her
partner, Joanne Schailey, in Lambertville, could not contain her happiness.
She said her outright joy at forming a civil union could be a function of her
age and the hostility she faced when she was younger.
“Being gay, you’re used to kind of hiding it and not making it front and center
of your personality,” Ms. Asaro said, “but last night, man, we were out there —
that we had gotten these rights from our state. It was pretty exciting,
very validating and very liberating.”
Civil unions, she said, are “enough for right now.”
“I know it sounds so trite,” she said, “but it’s true.”
There was a jovial atmosphere on Monday outside Asbury Park’s vital statistics
office, where couples filled out their applications beside stacks of recycling
bulletins and annual water quality reports. The star of the show was Ms.
Tomek, who is beloved among gay people in Asbury Park for processing marriage
licenses for same-sex couples for three days in March 2004, an act of guerrilla
clerkship that was almost immediately blocked, via a faxed letter, by the state
attorney general.
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James Estrin/The New York Times
Mark Rado,
left, and Degn Schubert applied in Asbury Park, N.J., for a civil
union license early Monday as a state law on same-sex unions took
effect. New Jersey is the third state to offer civil unions |
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Ms. Tomek opened up the office for
the occasion Monday morning — a federal holiday — wearing an animal-print tunic,
high-heeled boots and big gold-hoop earrings; when Tom Pivinski, 64, said he had
not brought government identification, she good-naturedly agreed to identify him
by examining one of his tattoos. One by one, she swore in applicants and
told them where to sign.
“Come to Asbury Park, baby, where it all happens,” said Terence J. Reidy, Asbury
Park’s city manager.
The new law stemmed from a lawsuit filed in 2002, when seven same-sex couples
were denied marriage licenses. The case, Lewis v. Harris, was
eventually appealed to the New Jersey Supreme Court, which ruled in October that
the State Constitution guarantees same-sex couples all the rights and benefits
of marriage.
But the court passed on to the Legislature the thorny question of whether
same-sex unions could be called “marriage,” reasoning that “the great engine for
social change in this country has always been the democratic process.” On
Dec. 21, Gov. Jon S. Corzine signed a law that created a legal structure for
civil unions.
Applicants for civil unions — like prospective brides and grooms — must wait
three days before a license is granted and a ceremony performed, so couples who
submitted applications on Monday are planning to hold rapid-fire civil union
ceremonies early Thursday morning — at 12:01, 12:05, 12:07 and 12:10 a.m.
Others will not have to wait. The state attorney general, Stuart J. Rabner,
announced on Friday that gay couples with marriages or civil unions performed in
other states or countries would have their status recognized as civil unions in
New Jersey. The state’s first civil union ceremony was performed at 12:01
a.m. Monday, in Teaneck, for Steven Goldstein, the chairman of Garden State
Equality, and his partner, Daniel Gross, whose civil union had been performed in
Vermont.
Mr. Goldstein, who fought vigorously last fall to legalize gay marriage in New
Jersey, said the ceremony was “one of the most bittersweet moments” of his life.
He said the small turnout Monday morning was proof that other gay couples felt
the same way.
“There’s a bit of happiness on one hand, but no satisfaction,” he said.
“Before, we in the gay community sat in the back of the bus. Now, we’re
allowed to sit in the middle of the bus.”
But Bill Whitefield, 40, who stopped by Ms. Tomek’s desk Monday afternoon, said
the light showing proved just the opposite. Three years ago, he said, gay
couples in Asbury Park crowded into this office to apply for marriage licenses,
panicked that their rights would be taken away by new laws.
Since the ruling in Lewis v. Harris, he said, that urgency is gone.
He and his partner are in no rush; they are thinking of marrying in two years.
Mr. Whitefield, a native of Nashville, said he had heard plenty of grumbling
about the civil union law, and he wishes his friends would look at the bright
side.
“We have a lot of New York radicals here,” he said. “I say that with the
utmost affection.”
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