Homeland couple could
redefine marriage
By Adam Bednar,
BaltimoreMessenger.com from
 |
|
|
Gitanjall
Deane holds daughter Devi, 8, close while Devi’s older sister, Maya,
11, looks on. |
|
A normal day for parents Lisa Polyak
and Gitanjali Deane begins with fixing breakfast, finding missing homework and
getting their two daughters ready for school.
Between 6 a.m. and 8 a.m., nothing sits still," Polyak said.
It's that normality the longtime Homeland couple wishes that opponents of
same-sex marriage could see. They say their family is as valid as anyone
else's and deserves to be protected under Maryland law.
Deane, 45, and Polyak, 46, are lead plaintiffs in a lawsuit challenging a 1973
Maryland statute defining marriage as being between a man and a woman.
The case is under review by Maryland's highest court, the Court of Appeals.
A ruling could come any day.
The case is being watched closely nationwide. Massachusetts now is the
only state that considers marriages of gays and lesbians to be just like
heterosexual marriages, with full rights and benefits.
"We're watching it carefully because Connecticut has a lawsuit that's very
similar to the Maryland lawsuit," said Anne Stanback, executive director of Love
Makes a Family, a coalition that calls for equal marriage rights for same-sex
couples in Connecticut.
"We are very hopeful and optimistic that Maryland is going to have a positive
ruling, which means Massachusetts won't be out there all alone," Stanback said.
The lawsuit in Maryland, Polyak & Deane v. Conaway, was filed in 2004 by
nine couples against Baltimore Clerk of Court Frank Conaway, who refused to
issue them marriage licenses.
Last year, Baltimore Circuit Judge Brooke Murdock ruled that the 1973 statute
violates the state constitution. The Court of Appeals is reviewing
Murdock's ruling.
David Rocah, an American Civil Liberties Union staff attorney who is
representing Polyak and Deane, said he is hopeful the Court of Appeals will side
with his clients.
The state constitution's equal-treatment clause is a "golden rule," Rocah said.
"I have faith in the Maryland Court of Appeals."
Assistant Attorney General Robert Zarnoch denied what he said is the plantiffs'
central claim, gender discrimination.
The wait is especially trying for Deane, who sat against a hot-water bottle
during an interview at home April 12. She said she is having back spasms,
partly due to stress.
But she and Polyak are as proud as they are tense and say their lawsuit shows
how far gays and lesbians have come in the 27 years since the couple met at the
tiny Trinity College in Washington.
"We didn't really date openly. It was a different time then," Polyak said.
They kept the relationship quiet for 15 years after moving to Baltimore in 1983.
They moved here so that Polyak could attend graduate school at Johns Hopkins
University.
Perks of marriage, such as filing joint tax returns, can't apply to Deane, a
learning specialist at Goucher College, or to Polyak, an environmental engineer
for the Army's Medical Department in Aberdeen.
If one of them dies, the survivor would not be entitled to Social Security
benefits and would have to pay a transfer tax on the deceased partner's share of
the house they own together.
Benefits such as 401(k) retirement savings wouldn't transfer either.
But that didn't stop Polyak and Deane from starting a family.
In 1995, Polyak became pregnant via artificial insemination. Three years
later, Deane did the same. Elder daughter Maya is now 11 and her sister,
Devi, is 8. (Deane and Polyak asked that the girls' last name not be
used.)
The couple, who attend Brown Memorial- Park Avenue Presbyterian Church, said
they didn't set out to be standard bearers for the cause of same-sex marriage.
They just wanted to be a family.
But motherhood sparked their activism.
"Our kids weren't going to carry any shame about who their parents are," Deane
said in an interview April 12.
For years, the family has experienced pain and embarrassment over things that
most heterosexual couples take for granted.
Deane once tried to take Maya to see a pediatrician, who balked because Deane
and Maya weren't related.
When the family returned from a trip to Ireland, U.S. Customs officials wouldn't
let Deane carry one of the girls, who was sleeping, onto U.S. soil.
Because Deane and Polyak weren't married, they could not list their names
together on the same Customs form, so both girls were listed on Polyak's form.
"We had to convince them that 'no, she (Deane) is not trying to kidnap this
child,'" Polyak said.
Despite their best efforts, Polyak and Deane haven't been able to shield their
daughters from prejudice. They said a babysitter of their daughters'
friends would not let them visit because of their parents' sexual orientation.
Now, if Maya sees a campaign sign on the road, she asks if the candidate
supports only "mom and dad" families.
"The thing that got us into this litigation was that it was hurting my kids,"
Polyak said.
But they said things could actually turn worse if they win and they find
themselves as political footballs in the state legislature.
They said one delegate, Don Dwyer of Glen Burnie, told the media in 2006 that if
the appeals court grants them the right to wed, "It will be all-out war, and I'm
going to be the general."
"Who is he going to declare war on?" Polyak asked. "Me? My
8-year-old? My 11-year old?"
"I wish the people that say this is immoral would have to face my children,"
Deane said.
Editor Larry Perl contributed to this story.
E-mail Adam Bednar
at Adam
Bedner@patuxent.com
|
