Same-sex marriage
reflects new realities,
more understanding
By Phyllis Lang,
President Jersey Short PFLAG, from APP.COM March 22, 2006
We read with interest the commentary
by Len Deo of the New Jersey Family Policy Council. ("State Supreme Court
shouldn't cave in by redefining marriage," Feb. 24.) And while we welcome
an open and educated discussion on the issues raised by our Supreme Court in the
gay marriage lawsuit, we feel compelled to address some of the writer's
comments.
Deo takes the position that marriage can be viewed only in one way, as that
between a man and a woman. But many previously accepted opinions about
human society dealing with such factors as race, ethnicity and cultural biases
have turned out to be wrong and have given way to more enlightened views based
on new realities, a strong sense of fairness and a clearer, more sensitive
understanding of human nature.
Ongoing research, for example, increasingly points to a biological/genetic
component for sexual orientation. The New York Times reported last year on
a study by Swedish researchers finding differences between straight and gay men
in the hypothalamus part of the brain, confirming a previous study in 1991
published in the highly respected journal Science by Simon LeVay, a former
faculty member at the Salk Institute. And the Times added, "both findings
suggest that the hypothalamus is organized in a way related to sexual
orientation." A study by the National Institutes of Health and published
in Science indicated there is a correlation between a specific chromosomal
region in human males and homosexuality.
Deo also argues that same-sex orientation is changeable through "reparative
therapy," although neither he nor the state in its arguments before the Supreme
Court cited any studies that demonstrated same-sex orientation can be changed.
To the contrary, such so-called "therapy" has no support from the major medical
and mental health professional organizations in this country.
In 1990, the American Psychological Association stated that scientific evidence
shows reparative therapy does not work and it can do more harm than good.
In 1998, the association stated that "psychiatric literature strongly
demonstrates that treatment attempts to change sexual orientation are
ineffective. However, the potential risks (of such attempts) are great,
including depression, anxiety and self-destructive (suicidal) behavior."
And as recently as 2001, the U.S. Surgeon General's "Call to Action to Promote
Sexual Health and Responsible Sexual Behavior" asserted that homosexuality is
not "a reversible lifestyle choice."
Deo also claimed legalizing same-sex marriage would somehow send "a message to
society that one-man one-woman marriage is not uniquely important." Of
course, heterosexual marriage is important. But what is more important in
a fair and open-minded society is that mature adults who sincerely care and love
each other and wish to marry be allowed to do so, regardless of sexual
orientation. How can such a relationship, given the approval of the state,
be a threat to anyone?
Same-sex couples adopt children and act as foster parents in New Jersey,
successfully raising families. If they can do so with the full support of
the law, why shouldn't they be allowed to marry as well?
Deo claims that legalizing gay marriage "will precipitate an increase in
cohabitation and resulting family break-up rates, in addition to the
legalization of other types of relationships such as polygamy." Such
thoughts are nonsense, especially when one looks to the experience of the one
state where gay marriage is allowed, Massachusetts. The granting of
marital rights to same-sex couples in no way diminishes the rights or marital
desires of others. The sky up north has not fallen and there has been no
negative impact on heterosexual relationships or marriage in that state as a
result of the granting of equal rights to same-sex couples.
If same-sex marriages were the threat to heterosexual marriage Deo alleges, what
would that say about the strength of those marriages to begin with? If
rates of divorce and child abuse are increasing, it is not because same-sex
marriage may be legalized in New Jersey or already exists in another state.
Heterosexual marriages would be much better served if those who wish to tear
down same-sex relationships would instead focus their time and efforts on
strengthening the family relationships that already exist and will be created in
the future.
Phyllis Long is President of Jersey Shore Parents, Friends and
Families of Lesbian and Gays.
Posted by Asbury Park Press on March 21, 2006.
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