Fellowship of the
ring on a quest for equality
By ALFRED P. DOBLIN,
NorthJersey.com February 12, 2006
A statue of St. Jude, patron saint of
hopeless causes, stood sentry on a mantel in the Haddonfield home of Marilyn
Maneely and Diane Marini. For 14 years, they shared a life. In
summer 2005, time was running out. Marilyn was dying.
At her side was Diane, the woman she loved, the woman who raised a family with
her. In every practical way, in every emotional sense, Diane was Marilyn's
wife. Their friends recognized it. Their neighbors recognized it.
The state of New Jersey did not.
In 2003, Marilyn and Diane joined six other same-sex couples in a lawsuit
petitioning the state to grant gays and lesbians the right to marry. In
July 2005, the state Supreme Court hadn't even set a hearing date.
Victory, if it came, wouldn't arrive until spring, too late for Marilyn, who was
in the advanced stages of Lou Gehrig's disease. There would be no more
springs for Marilyn and Diane.
On Wednesday, the state Supreme Court is scheduled to hear oral arguments in the
lawsuit. Marilyn will be absent. She died on Sept. 7.
Since this lawsuit began, same-sex couples have legally married in
Massachusetts, Canada and Spain. Hundreds of same-sex couples poured into
San Francisco to wed, only to have their marriages later invalidated. For
Lambda Legal, the national advocacy organization representing the seven couples,
the lawsuit is driven by two arguments: equality and liberty. If the
government provides a benefit to one, it must provide it to everyone.
Marriage cannot be available solely to opposite-gender couples. All people
are entitled to marry the person of their choice, regardless of gender.
"The principle of equality and liberty are not just words on paper," said David
Buckel, the lawyer who will argue the plaintiffs' case before the state Supreme
Court.
In its landmark Nov. 18, 2005, decision, Massachusetts' highest court wrote:
"The marriage ban works a deep and scarring hardship on a very real segment of
the community for no rational reason."
The New Jersey couples seek the right to marry in civil ceremonies.
Nothing the court decides will impact any religion's ban on same-sex marriage.
It's a distinction all but lost on many Americans. In 2004, religious
values drove voters in 11 states to pass ballot measures defining marriage as a
union between a man and woman only. Religion is the elephant in the room,
the subject no one wanted to discuss.
If society doesn't want to talk religion, the seven couples could not stop
talking about death and illness. That was their "elephant," the topic not
discussed until each couple witnessed the struggle of Marilyn and Diane and
recognized it just as easily could be theirs.
When death came for Marilyn, it left her partner, Diane, without the legal
recognition that would have been granted to a couple married 14 years. It
left her without the more than 1,100 federal rights granted to a spouse.
The couples in New Jersey's lawsuit met in the usual ways: in school, at
work, through friends. As a group, they are remarkably ordinary people.
In the eyes of their spouses, each is, to quote W.H. Auden, "my North, my South,
my East and West."
"Till death do us part" are words used in many a civil marriage ceremony.
For Marilyn and Diane, they were never spoken before a judge or a justice of the
peace. They were said through laughter, through tears and, finally,
through death itself.
For the 13 plaintiffs, a fellowship bound by a quest for a wedding ring, the
long journey is nearly over. There will be one less person to celebrate
the victory, if it comes. They do not expect the state to know them, care
for them or eulogize them. A civil marriage license is not a blessing from
a church or a parent. It is a legal contract between two people and the
state. It's as impersonal as it gets.
But for 14 people -- now 13 -- it was always personal.
This is the first in an eight-part series on same-sex marriage
in New Jersey. Alfred P. Doblin is the editorial page editor of the Herald
News. Reach him at
doblin@northjersey.com
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