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GayPASG Note: Strongly
recommend that those of us who have made the commitment to share our lives and
have entered into Civil Union in Vermont or Civil Marriage in Canada use the
word SPOUSE to refer to our life partner. I have found when trying to
convince individuals or an audience that that is the correct status and some one
comes up with the fact that they are calling each other husband or wife, that it
congers up an image of sexual acts that are not relevant to our position of
being a fully committed couple in a relationship totally caring for each others
needs.
John C. Campbell
What's in a name?
For gay couples
getting civil unions,
confusion
By Geoff Mulvihill,
AP from boston.com on the Web, December 24, 2006
MOUNT LAUREL, N.J. --In the
early 1990s, Christopher Bellis, wary of shocking people, introduced the men he
was dating as his "friends."
Now, he and Eddie Bennett, who have been a couple since 1995, are considering
replacing the word they usually use for each other -- "partner" -- with "spouse"
or "husband."
New Jersey's new law creating civil unions, signed Thursday by Gov. Jon Corzine,
gives same-sex couples many of the rights of marriage. Now, gay couples
are weighing not what civil unions mean, but what to call them.
Some gay couples refer to entering into a civil union as getting "civilized" or
"unionized."
New Jersey joins Connecticut and Vermont as states that allow civil unions for
gay couples. Massachusetts allows gay couples to marry, while California
has domestic partnerships that bring full marriage rights.
Anne Stanback, executive director of Love Makes a Family, a gay rights political
group in Connecticut, said there isn't a consensus in her state about what to
call the act of getting a civil union, or what same-sex partners should call
each other.
"We hear some people using the term 'spouse,' We hear some saying 'partner,'"
she said. "A few use 'husband' and 'wife,' but most want to save those for
when marriage is legalized."
New Jersey's law came in response to an October state Supreme Court order that
gay couples be granted the same rights as married couples. The court gave
lawmakers six months to act but left it to them to decide whether to call the
unions "marriage" or something else.
Gay couples welcomed the law, but some argued that not calling the relationship
"marriage" creates a different, inferior institution.
Veronica Hoff of Mount Laurel said she doesn't usually use "spouse" to describe
Forest Kairos because they are not legally married, though they have had a
commitment ceremony. She isn't fond of "partner" because that term is
vague; she said it could mean business partner or tennis partner.
Privately, she and Kairos refer to each other by "cupcake," with "cup" an
acronym for "civil union partner."
"It's a cute nickname," she said. "But if I introduce her to somebody else
as my cupcake, it doesn't have a sense of dignity to it."
Bellis and Bennett affirmed their relationship through a family commitment
ceremony in 1996 and by registering for domestic partnership in New Jersey in
2004. They plan to apply for a civil union license after the law takes
effect Feb. 19.
"I no longer want the government to dictate what I can call my spouse," said
Bellis, of South Orange.
Civil unions offer all the benefits of marriage New Jersey can confer, from
adoption rights to alimony rights. They won't help same-sex couples with
federal issues of marriage, such as Social Security benefits or being able to
file taxes jointly, however.
The legal and legislative debate over the law was not about those benefits so
much as it was about language.
Lawmakers considered terms such as "spousal partnerships" and "civil marriages,"
and "equal benefits" before settling, as expected, on civil unions. That's
a term Vermont and Connecticut also use.
The question over language now becomes more personal than political. In
its ruling, the Supreme Court wrote: "However the Legislature may act,
same-sex couples will be free to call their relationships by the name they
choose."
For Joan Hervey, a Plainfield mortgage consultant, there's no question what to
call partner Linda Geczi because they were married legally in Canada.
"I'm going to call her my wife," she said.
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