My Turn -- Gay teens
need
compassion and
acceptance
By Douglas Dickson,
concordmonitor.com Online August 27, 2006
I have read the Concord Monitor for
years and particularly enjoy the coverage the paper provides for local events
and issues. Some of these issues have directly affected me and my smaller
community at St. Paul's School, while others have captured my interest because
of their effect on friends and neighbors in the community
During the past few weeks, I have followed with interest your story on Kristofer
Berry's life and his courageous decision to go public in your newspaper with his
sexual orientation and his experience at school. I admire this young man
and his story.
I admire the courage he has shown in being himself in a society that is changing
for the better but has much further to go in accepting, understanding and
treating all people with care and dignity regardless of their sexual
orientation.
I appreciate living in a country that allows all people to have an opinion and
to have the freedom to express that opinion. This newspaper has published
at least two letters to the editor commenting on the Berry story. I would
like to offer my own opinion on one of the important issues raised in the
letters and by the article on Berry's life.
I do not think the most important issue is nature vs. nurture. We could debate
whether a person "chooses" his or her sexual orientation. I strongly
believe that a person is born with an innate sense of his or her own sexual
orientation and that to deny this orientation is potentially harmful to his or
her being. I recognize that some people believe sexual orientation is a
choice, and although I do not agree, I do not want to focus on this issue here.
Instead, as an educator and parent, I want to address the facts as I have come
to know them about adolescence and sexual orientation.
Having worked with adolescents for 25 years in a residential setting, I have
experienced firsthand the struggles that many adolescents have in coming to know
who they are and navigating the tension between fitting in and being an
individual. This struggle to conform takes many shapes, but one of the
most apparent is the choice of peer groups, close friends and romantic
interests.
Students in high school spend a great deal of time socializing. By doing
so, they begin to understand who they are, what they like, what they do not
like, their passions and, eventually, their career choices. For some,
figuring out all this is a smooth and quick process; for others, it is a
struggle that continues into adulthood. Certainly, one defining aspect of
growing up is the search to be intimate with another person and to have close
personal relationships with other adolescents.
Several years ago, my school conducted a survey on youth risk behavior and found
out that almost exactly 10 percent of our students identified themselves as
non-heterosexual, a figure that confirmed the research I had seen over many
years. We also found that this segment of our student population was at
the highest risk for engaging in behavior that put them in harm's way.
There is compelling evidence from the American Psychological Association and
other reputable organizations that gay young people are at a greater risk than
other students of suicide and other destructive behaviors. Suicide is the
third leading cause of death in the 15-19 age group in the United States.
A recent study in the Journal of the American Medical Association indicated that
15-28 percent of all homosexual youth have attempted suicide. This may
account for up to 30 percent of all suicides in this age group. Suicide
attempts are often associated with other health issues, including depression,
hopelessness, substance use and experiences of victimization.
Our words matter
Why are our gay youth at greater risk for these health issues? I think
part of the reason lies in the notion that some in our population teach and
preach that there is something inherently wrong with homosexuality and that
homosexuality is a "sin" and an unacceptable and morally wrong "choice."
Some in our society, like a recent writer to this newspaper, categorize
homosexuality as "abnormal," "disgusting" and "perverted."
My suggestion is that we recognize the potential harm we are inflicting on
nearly 10 percent of our youth population by promoting anything but acceptance,
tolerance and understanding for each of them. By promoting an agenda that
condemns any adolescent for his or her sexual orientation, a part of his or her
being, we are inflicting harm on a significant segment of our youth.
Our words and attitudes can and do affect our children for better and for worse.
We must combat views that make our gay youth feel bad about their sexual
orientation, and we must foster acceptance, understanding and caring.
(Douglas J. Dickson is vice rector for students at St. Paul's
School, where he is entering his 25th year as a faculty member. For the
past 11 years, he was dean of students.
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