Time favors
gay-marriage proponents
C.W. Nevius, San
Francisco Chronicle (sfgate.com) September 10, 2005
Social conservatives in California
are feeling pretty cheerful now that the governor has said he will veto the
same-sex marriage bill. And yes, across the country, 11 states, including
California, have passed bans on same-sex marriage.
But here's some advice: Enjoy it now. It isn't going to last.
The right wing is missing a powerful, building undercurrent. Simply put,
at this point, much of the younger generation has probably gone to school with
openly gay peers. They also see them in the workplace and even in their
neighborhoods. And they don't seem that scary.
Last spring, a friend of Eitan Bencuya, a third-year student at UC Berkeley and
reporter for the Daily Californian student paper, told him that he was gay.
Bencuya's reaction? Hum, that's interesting.
"It's not even a distinguishing factor any more,'' says Bencuya, who is
straight. "It is much more common and acceptable, and less something to
feel guilty about.''
Assemblyman Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, who wrote the same-sex marriage bill,
says polls bear out what Bencuya is saying.
"Those over 65 oppose same-sex marriage,'' Leno says. "But those under
35 support it -- and more strongly than those over 65 oppose it.''
While the battle for legal same-sex marriage may rage for years, it seems
clear there is a general shift toward support of committed relationships between
same-sex partners.
Gay-Straight Alliance clubs, once a focus of controversy in high schools, have
become commonplace. Riley Snorton of the national Gay, Lesbian, Straight
Education Network in New York, which helps sponsor the clubs, says there are
some 3,000 chapters nationwide and more than 400 in California, including in
such seemingly conservative communities as Fresno, Clovis and Visalia.
In the Bay Area, chapters range from exclusive Bishop O'Dowd in the East Bay to
Lowell High in San Francisco and Palo Alto High on the Peninsula.
Basically, a school that does not have some sort of gay-awareness organization
is the exception.
That's not good news for conservatives.
It isn't just that the under-35s are moving up while the over-65s are moving
out. The real problem is that if the anti-gay marriage faction can't count
on people being shocked and horrified by gays, they really don't have much to
fall back on. There's no economic or public safety reason to keep two
people who love each other from getting married. It just comes down to "I
don't like the idea so you can't do it.''
Which, when you think about it, was pretty much the argument against
interracial marriage.
But wait, it gets worse for the right. It isn't just Generation X and Y
who support same-sex couples and families. This is happening in that
outpost of traditional values -- the suburbs.
Michael Phillips sells real estate in Silicon Valley. He is listed on gay
real estate Web sites but sells to straight buyers, too. His point is,
when it comes to houses, neighborhoods and schools, there isn't much
distinction.
"Once you get those kids and a house and a mortgage,'' Phillips says, "people
say, you know, they're not that much different from us.''
Phillips has been with his partner for 22 years, and they are raising a teenage
son. Confirmed Catholics, they go to Mass once a week and volunteer in the
parish.
"People are very nice to us. I have never had anyone say we don't
belong,'' says Phillips. "I mean, we aren't in there holding hands, but I
also don't think people are stupid. They know what is going on.''
And that's another point. The face of the person who is gay has changed --
or at least the perception. Ellen DeGeneres, virtually drummed out of
television when she revealed she was lesbian, is now hosting a national talk
show. Her audience, which looks like moms from Middle America, whoops
wildly when she steps on stage. They love Ellen.
And in December, Ang Lee, Academy Award-nominated director, will premier "Brokeback
Mountain.'' It is the story of two ranch hands who unexpectedly find a
mutual attraction. Or, as one reviewer put it, "Cowboys in love -- with
each other.'' Is there a more powerful icon of American masculinity than
the cowboy? And this is not a cheap independent release, but a full
feature from Paramount Pictures.
To someone like Cal student Bencuya, it is an example of how the current climate
is " ... changing the stigma. Gays actually fall in love and have
committed relationships. It is not like (the movie and play) 'Birdcage'
with the guy in the feather boa.''
Instead, they may be the neighbors down the street. Phillips says he and
his partner got to know a married couple while attending youth sports events.
The pair ended up divorcing with the wife taking the kids. Later, the
father learned that his son was gay. He told Phillips it was a surprise,
but he was getting through it.
"But I would never have been in a position to accept it,'' the father said,
"if I hadn't known you two guys.''
That's no surprise to Leno.
"Every poll shows that people who know someone who is gay or lesbian are much
less discriminatory,'' he says.
Now take that experience and multiply it across the country. Tell me a law
is going to overcome it.
C.W. Nevius' column appears Tuesday and Saturday in Bay Area
and in East Bay Life on Friday. E-mail him at
cwnevius@sfchronicle.com.
(Emphasis Added.)
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