Same-sex marriage
activist Marilyn Maneely
dies at 55
BY RUDY LARINI,
Star-Ledger (NJ.com) from the Web, September 9, 2005
Newark, NJ. Sept. 8 --
Stricken with an aggressive form of a neuromuscular disease, Marilyn Maneely
knew she was dying as she and her partner, Diane Marini, planned the July
wedding of Maneely's daughter.
"I said to her, 'I can't help but feel sad that we're not planning our own
marriage,'" Marini said. "She said to me, 'Because of all the work we've
done, you can marry your next girlfriend.' That's the way she was, very
loving."
Ms. Maneely, a pioneer in the struggle to legalize same-sex marriage in New
Jersey, died Wednesday at her Haddonfield home of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis,
commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease. She was 55.
Ms. Maneely and Marini, 52, were among seven lesbian and gay couples fighting a
landmark legal battle to win the right for same-sex couples to marry in New
Jersey.
Those who knew her could not speak highly enough of what they said was her
delightful, effervescent personality.
"There was no one who could say anything nasty about her because she was always
smiling," Marini said.
"When I walked into a room and she was in it, that's where the sunshine was,"
said David Buckel, senior staff attorney for Lambda Legal, the gay and lesbian
advocacy group that filed the lawsuit on behalf of the seven couples. "She
lit up the room. So it's a particular shame to lose someone like her."
"I just had such a delightful time being around her," said Mark Lewis of Union
City, one of the other plaintiffs in the litigation. "She was just an easy
person to be with -- bright and sparkling. When you got her and Diane in a
room, you started laughing and kept it up."
Stephen Goldstein, chairman of the gay and lesbian group Garden State Equality,
said Ms. Maneely was "about as perfect an ambassador as the gay and lesbian
community could want."
"She had such an extraordinarily joyful personality, an amazing sense of
presence and an ability to make you feel loved no matter what walk of life you
were from," he said. "She was an extraordinary combination of an activist
and an incredibly joyful, fun person."
Goldstein said Ms. Maneely had a talent for softening the edge of even the
sternest opponents of gay and lesbian marriage.
"She had a gift of getting her point across on a major issue without coming
across as threatening," he said. "She could disarm anyone in the most
charming way possible. This is such a devastating moment for all of us in
the gay and lesbian community."
The lawsuit to legalize same-sex marriage in New Jersey was filed by the seven
couples in June 2002. In November 2003, a trial court judge upheld the
state's ban on same-sex marriage, ruling it can be rescinded only by the
Legislature.
That decision was upheld by a divided state appeals court in June and the case
is now on appeal to the state Supreme Court. Massachusetts is the only
state that allows same-sex couples to marry. In July 2004, a domestic
partnership law took effect in New Jersey granting same-sex couples some, but
not all, of the legal rights of marriage.
Marini said she and Ms. Maneely met 14 years ago at a spiritual retreat in Ocean
City.
They registered as domestic partners under New Jersey's law and signed a legal
document that they thought would allow Marini to authorize the donation of her
partner's body for ALS research. But it was not to be; Marini was told
only a next of kin could make that decision.
"Thank God the children (Ms. Maneely's) were all right complying with her
wishes," Marini said.
"I was shocked," Marini said. "It was a real slap in the face. But
here was Marilyn in her last minutes giving us a stand in the civil rights
movement again."
Born in Philadelphia, Ms. Maneely grew up in Haddonfield and earned a nursing
degree at Barry College in Miami. She was a nurse in the home health care
division of Thomas Jefferson Hospital in Philadelphia until last November, when
she was stricken by her illness.
"This was so aggressive. A year ago we were playing golf," Marini said.
"She was tortured so much. It was a relief to see her take her last breath
and finally be free from pain."
In addition to Marini, Ms. Maneely is survived by five children from an earlier
marriage -- sons Michael Sanchez of Boston and Matthew Sanchez of Haddonfield,
and daughters Christina White and Theresa Sanchez, both of Boston, and Mary
Sanchez of Haddonfield.
A memorial Mass for Ms. Maneely will be celebrated 10 a.m. Sept. 17 at Christ
Our King Roman Catholic Church in Haddonfield. Ms. Maneely's body was
donated to Pennsylvania Hospital in Philadelphia for ALS research.
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