The Married Wives of Windsor
Civil Marriage in Canada, By Ann Dey and Virginia Allen
A GayPASG Release, October 18, 2005
December 12, 1998, we were united in
a commitment ceremony in Kansas City officiated by Forest New Heart, an ordained
minister of the United Church of Christ. At that time, we considered
ourselves married in the eyes of God and the witnesses that attended. July
25, 2004, we registered as Domestic Partners in Maplewood, New Jersey along with
about 400 other couples.
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Ann Dey and Virginia Allen |
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Neither one of us remembers exactly
when the idea of going to Canada to be legally married first emerged, but we
tentatively began making plans to go to Toronto to “tie the knot.” While
wrestling with decisions about a date, venue we decided immediately since we had
done the big “wedding” in ’98 this one would be “just for us.” We also
thought we should schedule this one for the anniversary of our Commitment
Ceremony. (That way, Ann wouldn’t have to remember another date).
Like the best laid plans, these began to go awry when a potential medical crisis
arose with Ann’s brother, Eric. Fortunately, that turned out to be a
“false alarm”, but we decided we would soon visit Eric and his girlfriend, Casey
in Ann Arbor, Michigan. After checking four calendars, we finally picked a
date for our trip: we’d leave Friday morning (9/30, ironically, the day
after Schwartzenegger vetoed the same sex marriage bill in California) and
return Monday afternoon (10/3). So, we made our plane reservations.
While we were planning, Ann looked on the Detroit website to see what would
entertainment might be in Detroit while we were in Michigan. There was a
Gay/Lesbian link and, being the curious sort, Ann clicked on the link.
Included in the array of information was another web link with an organization
called, “The Marrying Wives of Windsor” (www.weddings-in-windsor.com).
Again, Ann “clicked” and got pretty excited.
We checked out the website together and decided Ann should contact the group by
email as a possible choice in the future. As she and Neil Hodgins with
“The Marrying Wives of Windsor” communicated about the services provided, it
occurred to her we might be able to do a wedding when we visited Eric and Casey.
So, she emailed Neil and asked him about it. Although we would arrive too
late Friday (and City Hall was not open on weekends), Neil thought we could get
our license and have a ceremony on Monday and still make it to the airport on
time. We discussed it at length (OK, about two minutes) and decided to
“JUST DO IT”. Coincidentally, October 3 is also Virginia’s mother’s birth
date. She was a very special person to us both and we thought it would be
appropriate to add some happiness (in addition to the sorrow we both feel at her
passing) to that date.
Ann emailed Eric to ask him if he’d be willing to drive us to Canada (on our way
to the Detroit airport). Eric was very excited. He said, “Let’s get
it done”. And, he and Casey arranged their schedules so they could serve
as our witnesses (and photographers). Ann and Neil emailed back and forth
again. He suggested we use a Bed and Breakfast, Inn on the River in
Windsor and everything was settled: We were getting MARRIED in two
weeks!!!
TWO WEEKS! We had lots of stuff to do! First, we had to decide on
rings … Ultimately, we decided to use the rings we had exchanged in ’98 (but we
had to have them resized since we both lost weight) … And, decide what to wear.
We also decided we would exchange new rings for our right hands as symbols of
this wedding. We went to Gordon’s Jewelry and found the perfect ring
(singular). We explained to the clerk that we were going to Canada to be
legally married in 8 days and asked if she could get another ring and have them
both sized before we left. She moved heaven and earth to get it done
(including having to pick up the other ring at another store before sending them
to be sized the next afternoon). We picked up all four rings on Tuesday
(9/27). The clerk was very excited for us and asked that we return with
pictures of the wedding.
With our passports, driver’s licenses, rings and wedding clothes in tow, we
arrived the Newark airport. At the Continental counter, the ticket agent
asked if we were going to Detroit on vacation. Virginia announced we were
going ultimately to Canada to be legally married. The agent smiled and
congratulated us.
Following a wonderful visit in Ann Arbor, we piled into two cars and left for
Canada Sunday afternoon, Ann drove Eric’s van and Eric drove Casey’s since Casey
would have to leave Canada earlier than the rest of us to be back in Ann Arbor
for a meeting. When we reached the Canadian Border, the border guard (on
the Canadian side) asked what the purpose of our visit was and again, we proudly
announced we were getting married (It was beginning to get heady). The
guard smiled broadly, congratulated us, and wished us well.
When we got to the Inn on the River, (www.inn-on-the-river.com),
we were met by Vanessa Bailey, the manager, who showed us to our rooms (We
stayed in the Coventry Gardens Suite). Since we were to meet Neil who
would take us to City Hall for our marriage license at 8:30 a.m., she offered to
fix breakfast for us early so we would have plenty of time to get ready.
Monday morning, we awakened refreshed and excited! We ate breakfast with
Eric (Casey chose to catch a few more winks), got dressed, picked Neil up and
headed for City Hall. At the marriage license desk, a delightful woman
(Linda Bernath) took our application and copied our passports and driver’s
licenses. The office had just moved into a new building and we were her
first application in the new location. While Linda was typing “the long
form”, Neil took us on a delightful tour of the area around City Hall, including
the Freedom Memorial commemorating the Underground Railroad stop in Windsor.
Twenty minutes later, we returned to City Hall, raised our right hands and
declared the accuracy of the information we had provided. Back to the car
and the Inn.
While Neil changed into his “marrying” clothes and finished his obligations with
the paperwork, we posed for pictures. When Neil returned, he explained
“the long form” and the process for applying for the Certificate to us.
The business portion out of the way, we began the ceremony with Eric and Casey
as witnesses. (Almost immediately, Virginia began to cry and didn’t stop
until the ceremony was almost done). Our wedding took about 20 minutes
with Neil officiating and providing most of the text including a lovely verse
from a twin-spirited Ottawa Indian poet and the Apache Wedding Blessing.
Ann and I repeated the vows we had exchanged in ’98, with a few modifications,
and exchanged the rings for our right hands as symbols of our continuing
commitment and the value we place on our relationship. Then, Neil had us
recite more traditional vows, blessed the rings and pronounced us “wife and
wife”.
It is not possible to explain what it all meant to us. Neither of us ever
imagined we would be able to legally marry anywhere in our lifetimes, but here
we were MARRIED and recognized as such by an entire country (Canada)! We
felt loved, verified and in love … a swirl of emotions, especially joy!
In the meantime, while we wait, if you know anyone (lesbian, gay, straight), who
wants to be married …Beautifully, romantically, with little stress and wonderful
acceptance, we can recommend nothing and no one better than the “Marrying Wives
of Windsor”, the Inn on the River, the city of Windsor, Ontario and the country
of Canada.
We wish you all joy, love and acceptance … Today, tomorrow and forever!
(Abridged)
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