Same-sex couple wins right to have moocher
Linwood Barclay, TheStar.com from the Web, September 17, 2004
Toronto, Ontario -- In a landmark court ruling, same-sex couples have won the right to have an unemployed relative drop by for a two-week visit, then stay for months without trying to find a job.
The Superior Court of Justice ruled this week that gay and lesbian couples are entitled to the same trials and tribulations as heterosexual couples.
What paved the way for his historic ruling, of course, was last year's decision by the Ontario Court of Appeal legalizing same-sex marriages, and a more recent ruling giving same-sex partners the right to divorce.
In explaining its decision, the court wrote: "Now that same-sex marriage is legal in the province of Ontario, gay and lesbian unions cannot be denied the aggravations of conventional matrimony, including such things as divorce, little or no conversation over breakfast, and a partner who won't replace the twist-tie on a bag of opened bagels."
The identities of the parties in this most recent court case were kept confidential, known only by their initials. K.M. and R.T.
The two women, who married last summer after the legalization of same-sex marriage in Ontario, noticed that R.T.'s brother, described in court documents not by initials but as "Larry," and sometimes "Lazy Larry," was always mooching off other members of the family, like R.T.'s parents, R.T.'s sister and brother-in-law, and R.T.'s maternal grandparents.
His pattern of behaviour was clearly established, the court wrote: "Larry would arrive unannounced, say he was passing through, wanted to know if he could hang out there for a couple of weeks while he waited to see which of his recent job interviews paid off.
But as the days and weeks elapsed, it became clear, as Larry stretched out on the couch watching soaps and game shows, that there had been no job interviews.
He would sleep in, stay up late ordering movies on pay, and drink all the beer in the fridge.
He was, to put it mildly, a huge pain in the butt."
But it was clear that "Larry" had no intention of coming to visit K.M. and R.T., evidently thinking that a same-sex couple did not present the same opportunities for exploitation as a couple consisting of a man and a woman.
K.M. and R.T. grew increasingly perturbed, and even dropped occasional hints to "Larry" that, should he decide to mooch off them, they could be as resentful and annoyed as the other family members.
But "Larry" resisted.
K.M. and R.T. went to court to prove that they were just as deserving of being taken advantage of as any other legally married couple, and the court concurred.
"Larry," speaking through his lawyer, said he's as pleased by the ruling as his sister, and his sister's partner.
"It wasn't like I didn't want to live off them," "Larry" reportedly said. "I just wasn't sure it was an appropriate thing to do.
Now, that's all cleared up, and frankly, just in time, because I've got a few irons in the fire right now with some very big, very influential companies, that I'm pretty sure are going to pay off, and I need a place to crash while I wait for my calls.
Also, my sister and her companion have one of those huge, double-wide fridges that's always jammed with stuff."
Still before the courts:
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A same-sex couple in Marmora is waiting to see how the court will rule on their application to have their Weed Eater borrowed by their next-door neighbour and not returned.
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Two Whitby men who married last year are suing their respective families, which have, to date, failed to make either of them feel guilty about where they'll have Christmas dinner.
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A Thunder Bay woman has turned to the courts to force her partner to stop listening to everything she says.
"All day long, I'm going blah blah blah, and she listens to every word.
I sure don't call that a marriage."
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