|
|
Same-sex couple fosters trustin troubled children cast away by societyRICK MALWITZ, Home News Tribune, December 5,2004The idea that gay and Lesbian couples can adopt children in New Jersey may not sit well with those of us who can cite chapter and verse about why homosexual behavior is a sin. But then you see the household created in Roselle by Joe Rose and Francisco Perez, and you cannot help but admire what's being done. The two, who have been in a relationship for five years, decided three years ago to adopt children. "We weren't looking for the babies everybody wants -- the healthy newborn whites. We were open to children with emotional needs, the ones most people don't normally sign up for," said Rose, a 39-year-old college student. Perez, a 38-year-old citizen of Spain who works for Spain's diplomatic corps in New York, said the notion of adoption was "To go through the normal stages of life, raising children. I wanted nieces and nephews for my sister." Three years ago, they contacted the state Department of Human Services offering to be foster parents with the goal of adoption. The state offered them two sisters, then 9 and 5. On the day the two were to arrive, Rose received a phone call: "Oh, by the way, there's a brother. Can you take him, too?" Rose balked. He said he could not commit to taking a third child, without speaking to Rodriguez first, and he was unable to reach him. A van arrived at the house, with the two sisters and their brother, then 7. Rose recalled the state worker saying to the boy, "You're not going here. Say goodbye to your sisters." Rose does not know if this scene was meant to tug at his heart, but it did. He took all three. The first two weeks, said Perez, "were the honeymoon. For the rest of that first year it was hard." The 9-year-old had been acting as a mother to her siblings, and it was tough for her to adjust to parental guidance. On July 24, the three were legally adopted by Rose and Perez. Last month they were among 12 families honored by the state as part of Adoption Awareness Month. They were one of three families headed by same-sex couples. When the children hear negative remarks about living with gay parents, Rose says: "We teach them it is not their battle. It isn't about them (that prompts remarks). It's about us." "We do not do anything to market to the gay community", said Department of Human Services spokesman Joe DeImar. "We look at anyone who can give their heart and their home to a child in need." Today there are about 500 children in the foster-care system for whom the state is looking for adoption homes. Most are school-age members of minority groups, and many have physical and emotional problems. In other words, said Delmar, "They have issues that many families would shy away from." The siblings adopted by Rose and Perez are three of seven children born to a woman with a troubled past. They had been in and out of foster homes, and each came with emotional problems. To those who would criticize the state for placing children with a gay couple Delmar says, "Why don't you step up and adopt them?" Rick Malwitz's column appears Sundays and Thursdays. (732) 565-7291; rmalwitz@thnt.com |
Send mail to
email@gaypasg.org with questions or comments about this web site.
|